As you may have noticed, in 2021 I began reviewing wines by adding one-liner blurbs, or quips. Let’s call them “burps.” I did this because Winepisser wasn’t nearly as clever as I had imagined it, and was getting to be yet another stale wine blog. Since I’m a writer, I figured I should  put my literary powers to good work, such as reviews of alcoholic grape-based products.

Here are all the reviews for 2021, in one place.

You fall asleep naked in a meadow of honeysuckle when, suddenly, a chorus of angels rains the blessings of heaven upon you while playing Debussy; Jean-Luc Godard wishes he was this breathless.  Philippe Dreschler Gewurztraminer – France – 2018

If Dr.  Frankenstein had stitched together his creation, and it came out an Adonis.  Bodega Norton Quorum VI Red Blend – Argentina – NV

A top-down Lotus drive through a citrus field on Sunday morning.  La Val Orballo Rias Baixas Albarino (Fermentado en Barrica) – Spain – 2015

A day of shopping for luxury furs marred only by your looming credit limit.  Chateau Haut-Surget Lalande-de-Pomerol – France – 2019

Valedictorian-in-running later graduates to run pastry shop.  Chateau Haut-Caplane Sauternes – France – 2017

Delicate flirt carries ornate-handled switchblade.  Chateau des Fines Roches Chateauneuf-du-Pape – France – 2015

Mysterious figure in a dark car park winds up being a great pal.  El Coto Blanco Rioja – 2020 – Spain

Your mysterious car park pal has a cousin.  El Coto – Coto de Imaz Rioja Reserva – Spain? – 2017

The latest sex toy proves popular with suburbanites.  Escorihuela Gascon Viognier – Argentina – 2019

The actress who shows potential, but never wins the Emmy. Morande Adventure El Padre Cabernet Franc – Chile – 2018

A walk through the park with your first love, but it’s 30 years later and you’re reminiscing about those apple candies you ate as a kid. Zuccardi “Serie A” Chardonnay Viognier – Argentina – 2018

A young, erudite university student who has affected a smoking jacket and pipe, but isn’t old enough to smoke. Chateau Haut Peyruguet Bordeaux Rouge – France – 2018

Flimsy white lingerie leads to trouble.  Chateau Haut Peyruguet Bordeaux Blanc – France – 2020

Your date was so pretty in her sundress, and so charming as she explained her new tattoo, that the both of you forget you were eating free breadsticks at Olive Garden.  Zonin 20 Ventiterre Pinot Grigio – Italy – 2020

A Valentine’s Day gift of chocolate-covered cherries with a note promising some Marvin Gaye fueled bedspring squeaking later. Masseria Altemura Sasseo Primitivo Salento – Italy – 2018

Your southern cousin lived in New England for a while and tried to drop his accent. Pazo Senorans Coleccion Albarino Ri­as Baixas – Spain – 2019

Two old school chums get together and the resulting conversation is suitably delightful. Oveja Negra Chardonnay Viognier Reserva – Chile 2021

Low-rent housing district installs new fountain to attract tenants. Tacama Albilla d’Ica – 2020 – Peru

“I get all my Riesling from Chile,” said no one ever. Matetic Corralillo Riesling – Chile – 2020

A great conversation with an old school chum that you remember years later, even if you forget what the topic was. Bodegas Arraez “Bala Perdida” Alicante Bouschet – Spain – 2018

A sassy aunt who came uninvited to your house, but had enough funny anecdotes to forgive her. Bodegas Arraez Mala Vida Blanc White Blend – Spain – 2019

That quirky new indie film was supposed to be great, but in the end the poster was better than the movie.  Santa Julia Chardonnay – Argentina – 2021

Sure, that tune is catchy but only because it’s similar to something else you heard once. Zuccardi Poligonos Verdejo San Pablo – Argentina – 2018

Shy introvert looks cute, but won’t dance with anyone. Chateau Lamarzelle Cormey Cuvee Magnan Saint-Emilion Grand Cru – France – 2014

Corked – must review again in future. La Val Orballo Rias Baixas Albarino – Spain – 2019 (CORKED)

Remember that last PowerPoint presentation on modern accounting principles? This is that. Bodegas Arraez Mala Vida Red Blend – Spain – 2019

That middle-aged guy with the faux leather windbreaker and second-hand Porshe is clearly compensating for something. Bodegas Arraez “Vividor” Bobal – Spain – 2019

A dimwitted cheerleader who would have a better career in advertising.  Viña Vieja Gran Rose Semi Seco – Peru – NV

Suicidal diabetic decides to end it all by bathing in maple syrup. Viña Vieja Chenin Blanc Semi-Seco – Peru – NV

A noir film for which Hitchcock directed the first reel, but then JJ Abrams was swapped in for the rest. Zonin 20 Ventiterre Montepulciano d’Abruzzo – Italy – 2019

That new, young substitute minister who you thought was going to be dynamic, but who then just read a passage from Luke in monotone. Arte Expression Alma Caracter Chardonnay Chenin – Argentina – 2020

Undercover cop has fake mustache, but gets the job done anyway. Amayna Sauvignon Blanc – Chile – 2020

Gunpowder truck blows up near a pepper mill, enterprising vintner bottles the ashes. Pinord Chateldon Reserva Cabernet Sauvignon – Spain – 2011