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Longest. Wineless. Quarantine. Ever

It doesn’t take an aerospace expert to notice the last Winepisser blog post was from February. That post announced, without the usual fanfare, the Winepisser 2019 Best Wine award. Since then, this site has been nearly dead.

You can, of course, blame Ol’ Corona. Located in Peru, yours truly is under severe lockdown. Exactly 48 hours after cancelling a trip into the United States, Peru’s president, Martiz Vizcarra, smartly cancelled all flights in and out of the country. He then imposed a series of gradually increasing restrictions and quarantines. Vizcarra knows that Peru’s limited healthcare system won’t handle a full-own disaster well, and that the people here are not likely to fully grasp the dangers of the virus without a firm hand.

to his credit, Vizcarra has handled things well. He’s has made regular appearances alongside (although sitting far apart) health officials and a bright young economist, María Antonieta Alva. His tone is professional, almost fatherly, and not at all like that of the dictator of nearby Venezuela.

Peru’s population welcomed the restrictions for weeks, cheering as police arrested the occasional stray vagrant or obstinate pituco who felt the rules didn’t apply to them. Vizcarra bought valuable weeks, preventing the disease from spreading like wildfire.

Eventually, the people exhausted of it, however. Now, in more recent weeks, the general population has begun to just ignore the rules, going out in droves, ignoring requirements to wear masks, etc. The police do what they can, but the overpopulation is a serious problem, and the sheer imbalance of police vs. people usually means the mobs win out.

But, again, Vizcarra bought time which helped slow the spread of the virus, and likely saved 100,000 lives or more.

One of the restrictions, however, was the prohibition of the sale of alcohol. This was intended to reduce the temptation for neighbors to violate quarantines and curfews, by reducing the reason to have parties. It worked, too. Sure, you can still buy alcohol from local neighborhood shops, but not wine… the stores are rarely air-conditioned, and bottles have sat on steaming hot shelves for years.

So for your honorable Winepisser, this has meant not a single purchase of wine at all, for months. I’m locked down tight, in quarantine, and haven’t left the house in weeks. Under current rules, only one family member is allowed to leave the house per day, and only for essentials (food, medicine, etc.) I’m not the designated shopper.

Which has been fine in every other sense. It’s just been bad for a wine reviewer.

2019 was already a slow year for this blog, with a reduced number of reviews due to various other professional obligations. 2020 looks to be worse, as we head into mid-May without a single review of anything.

Winepisser Best Wine 2019: Klinker Brick Old Vine Zinfandel 2015

The fifth annual Winepisser Best Wine award goes to California’s Klinker Brick Old Vine Zinfandel 2015, a fantastic bottle of crafted from (according to the maker) “16 different vineyard blocks of old vine zinfandel vineyards with an average age of 87 years.” My original report found notes of blackberry, mint, chocolate, smoke and earth, along with a super smooth silky mouthfeel that raised it to top of the class. It’s very, very deep, like an intellectual roundtable of leather-elbowed pipesmokers discussing the economics of post-Stalin Soviet states.

From the Lodi region, this represents the second California-bred Best Wine here at Winepisser. Our inaugural award in 2015 went the blend Apothic Red 2013, a review which hasn’t aged well, but it’s still a tasty wine.

In 2016, the Best Wine award was given to Uruguay’s Narbona Tannat Roble 2010, which still remains my favorite wine since the launch of the Winepisser site.

In 2017, the award was sent to Spain for a surprise dessert wine, the Alvear Pedro Ximénez de Añada 2014.

And last year’s 2018 Best Wine went to France’s Pierre Amadieu Gigondas Romane Machotte 2014.

I’m anxious to grab a case of our latest winner, the Klinker Brick, but it’s hard to get in Peru. (I managed to find it while traveling through the US.) But it’s such a complex wine with so much character, it’s worth pursuing to the ends of the earth.

For more on this wine, the maker’s website is here.

Back to Back Cally Reds Earn A Cinco Each

January and February of 2019 were making the year look poorly, with not a single wine earning the five-star Winepisser rating. Thankfully, the first week in March spiced things up a bit as two single-grape reds won back-to-back cincos.

First up is the absolutely wonderful Louis M. Martini California Barbera (2015) from the Helena California winery of Louis M. Martini (natch), which Google Maps tells us is across the street from Sutter Home. The barbera grape is known in Italy, but you’d be hardpressed to find many high-ranked barbies on your wine store’s shelves. This one is worth spotting, since it’s likely to be readily available: I noted blackcurrant and earl grey, while other reviewers said they picked up chocolate, licorice and tobacco. Any of those are great, and this one will please your red-loving friends. The winery’s website is here.

That makes the Martini barbera the first 5-star winner of 2019, but on its heels — tasted just a few days later — is another California red offering, this one a bloody-black zin. The Klinker Brick Old Vine Zinfandel (2015) nabbed another five full stars with its mint notes, which was the cherry on top of this ballsy mix of blackberry, smoke and black earth. This one is not for the timid, as it’s bold bold bold, and you should pair it with a suitably brazen dish, perhaps truffled steak or New Zealand lamb. The KB Old Vine Zin births from Lodi California.

The website for Klinker Brick can be found here.

So we’re finally off to the races, with two amazing five-star reds!

Winepisser Best Wine of 2018: Pierre Amadieu Gigondas Romane Machotte 2014

The fourth annual Winepisser Best Wine Award goes to the French bottle Pierre Amadieu Gigondas Romane Machotte 2014, a fantastic and nearly oddball red blend from France’s Rhone Valley, in the Gigondas style of majority grenache blending.

I’m a huge fan of chocolate, and mixing it with fruit is always a winner. The Amadieu had just the right hints of chocolate with blueberry that sent me over the moon, putting all my favorite elements together. This is a wine with bold fruit to be sure, but still dry and not at all on the sweet end. With a minty perfume, that added a third great element to the mix.

The Gigondas wines of the region have to include at least 50% grenache to receive the appellation, and this one is mixed with syrah, which I think works very well. I can’t recall a grenache/syrah blend I’ve noticed to any degree before this one, so the Amadieu folks have done good work here.

This French wine won out in a difficult year, running against nearly all Chileno competitors. Only five wines reached the coveted “cinco” this year at Winepisser. The very first wine tasted this year, the Errazuriz Estate Series Carmenère 2013, won five stars out of the gate, and Carmenere proved to be a popular offering this year. Also from Chile came the five-star San Pedro 1865 Single Vineyard 2014, another carmy reviewed in June. The third Chileno was a Gewurztraminer-laden white blend, the Carta Vieja Kidia Single Vineyard Reserva Late Harvest. The final competitor came from Chile’s neighbor, Argentina, the 2014 Colomé Torrontés.

In the end, the New World lost out to the Old, and France came through. The Carmeneres were delicious but lacked the bright originality of the French blend.

The official Pierre Amadieu website can be found here, and you can buy the Gigondas Romane Machotte 2014 from Wine-Searcher here.

Breaking Down the Numbers

For 2018, a total of 150 wines were tasted in all. By sheer numbers, it was nearly a tie between reds (49%) and whites (51%). The most common tasted white was Sauvignon Blanc, with a whopping 29 essbies tasted this year. I would have bet money that one would have won a cinco, but none reached the top; in fact, the average rating of the SB offerings was only 3.4, although the Maison Nicolas Ferrande Bordeaux Sauvignon Blanc 2015 from France came close to a cinco with a 4.5 star win. Maybe my love of NZ SB is overblown?

Cabs and red blends were reviewed the highest next, with about 15 each, and the beloved rieslings had 12 bottles reviewed. The average reez rating was 3.7, but three bottles hit the 4.5 star mark: Schlink Haus Riesling Spatlese 2013 and Dr. Hermann “H” Riesling 2015 from Germany, and the Maryland-bred Boordy Riesling 2016.

Joining those rieslings at the “so close, but not close enough” 4.5 star rating were the following wines, from all over the planet:

The Pierre Amadieu Gigondas Romane Machotte 2014 joins three other winners for Winepisser Best wine, this being our fourth year of awards. In our first outing, the controversial California lab-blend Apothic Red 2015 came out on top. For 2016, the cinco went to Uruguay’s astonishing Narbona Tannat Roble 2010. Last year’s winner was a dessert wine from Spain, the Alvear Pedro Ximénez de Añada 2014. Four annual awards, four different countries. Well done, wine world!

As for the other end of the spectrum, find out what wine won (?) the Winepisser Worst Wine 2018 by clicking here.

Winepisser Worst Wine 2018 Tastes Like Poison, But If Someone Poisoned the Poison

I live in Peru and beat up this country’s horrid selection and taste in wine incessantly, and frankly the country has it coming. So when we launched the Winepisser Worst Wine last year, it was no surprise a Peruvian bottle o’ dreck won the award.

This year, no less than 3 Peruvian wines landed the single-star rating, but the worst wine eventually was deemed from Peru’s neighbor, Argentina, if only because they should know better. The Trapiche Varietals Sauvignon Blanc 2011 was so bad, I called it “poison” that tasted like gasoline. I’m serious, no human can drink this, and even your drunk uncle will spit it out before huffing indignantly and returning to his paper bag house on the curb and resuming his guzzling of Thunderbird.

So, congratulations Argentina, you’ve nearly destroyed your reputation as a world-class wine producer with just one bottle from a winery which, I presume, only employs winemakers whose tongues have been ripped out, probably for religious crimes, and who no longer have any sense of taste.

Joining the Trapiche in the “oh my god, make it stop” category for 2018 was the Santiago Queirolo Shiraz Rosa NV, which I compared to horse piss. Then came two more from Peru, specifically from the local winery Candela Borgona. The Negra I revealed was an unstructured, raisiny mess, and for the Blanca “Semi Seco” I noted the winery’s terroir was someone’s roof, next to the laundry hung out to dry.

Only one wine came in at 1.5 stars, that of Argentina’s La Rural Pequena Vasija Malbec Syrah 2017, which I noted tasted like “burnt pea soup,” but which may have been a bad bottle.

So congrats to all the wines who ranked above a 1.5, and for the rest of you, well… there’s always next year.

 

Chile Leads in 2018 Winepisser Best Wine Competition

2018 has been a slow year for “cincos,” the five-star rating given to the best wines tasted here at Winepisser. To date, we only have five contenders for 2018 Winepisser Best Wine, and we are already into October. To be honest, this year has proven the weakest year to date, as far as the wines that were tasted. Let’s see if things pick up in the fourth quarter.

What’s interesting, however, is that Chile leads the pack with three 5-star winners. In 2015, a California blend won Best Wine, while in 2016 it was given to a Tannat from Uruguay. Last year saw a dessert wine from Spain win Best Wine. While Chile has been represented here and there for Winepisser Best Wines, it hasn’t yet won. Will this year be different?

To date, the cincos have been awarded to the following wines, with one from France, one from Argentina, and the rest from South America’s skinniest country:

What’s missing from that list yet again is sauvignon blanc from New Zealand, despite consistently getting near-5 star ratings and being the top wine drunk this year (and last.)

So for now, things are looking good for Chile, but last year saw a slew of last-minute 5-star winners, so who knows?

Battle of the Budget Italian Pee-Gees

I recently had the opportunity, and free time, to write a new “Battle of the Budget” article (the last one was on German Rieslings) with another matchup, this time Italian Pinot Grigios. Stepping into the ring were four pee-gees, each just about under $12 each, but all of which fared pretty well.

First up was 2016 Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio Valdadige, from a label I generally avoid; Santa Margherita appears on too many low-end restaurants to lessen my suspicions about them. Nevertheless, the bottle landed a healthy four stars. My notes:

Light and slightly nautical, without any biting tartness, could use more floral notes but has an impressive grapefruit finish. Pairs easily but drinks well on its own.

 

Next into the ring was the 2016 Kris Pinot Grigio from the Northeastern Venezie region of Italy, which came in close at 3.5 stars.

Lemon is the dominant note here for an otherwise timid Pinot Grigio. Short finish makes this not particularly memorable but it’s pleasant enough. Acidic.

 

For the third round, the 2015 Pinot Grigio from Ca’Donini, also from the Venezie, tied the Santa Margherita with a four-star rating. My notes:

Very light and breezy with some citrus laying way down below.

 

Finally, the last contender came from same region, a 2015 bottle of Cantine Leonardo da Vinci. A lack of nose tied it for 2nd place:

Understated and perhaps too much so, but enjoyable nevertheless. Some melon and vanilla balance out the lemon, which is a good thing. Mostly noseless but finish makes up for it, even if the lack of perfume knocks off a half star.

 

Given the low price point, and the fact that pinot grigios tend towards the bland end of the spectrum, these four budget wines did a fantastic job. Two rated at 4 stars, and two rated at 3.5… not too shabby.

Darth Maule Demands Five Stars for This Chileno Carmenere

Finally, another five-star award after a string of near misses. This one goes to the delicious 2014 San Pedro 1865 Single Vineyard Carmenère, from the Maule Valley of Chile.  This happens to the birthplace of Darth Maule, the Sith Lord who gave up fighting rebel scum for the more pleasant, laid-back life of growing grapes on the rolling hills of his native planet Dathomir.

My original tasting notes read something like this:

Potent nose of bright fruit and hints of cellar must give way to a powerful palate filled with complex layers of black cherry, black pepper, and truffles. Legs like a giant spider, and a finish that lingers for some time with prominent cherry. I’m not a cherry fan normally but this is just fantastic. Well-balanced acid and tannins bring this home to a full five stars.

But here’s the real deal. Darth Maule quickly abandoned his Master, Darth Vader, for the vineyards and was replace by his lesser talented runner-up Darth Maul, who not only lost an “e” from his name, but also the entire lower half of his body, only to be resuscitated years later by the grown-up version of the annoying kid from the Andy Griffith Show. The original — Maule — was raised in Chile, which named a valley after him, but only after he used his Sith powers and double-bladed lightsaber to behead 90% of the local government there, until they relented and granted him title. Then he went back to Dathomir and found that the grapes on his home planet did well under its colored sun when irrigated with the blood of his victims.

As a result, this represents the very first carmenere to win a Cinco in the history of Winepisser. That in itself is somewhat surprising, since carmy has utterly replaced pinot noir as my go-to casual red. In retrospect, I’m not at all sure why I was drinking Pinot noir to begin with, since carmenere is so superior.

So congrats to Viña San Pedro of Chile, for a fantastic red wine that will drink as well by itself as it will paired up with your most ravishing red meat plate.

Five Months into 2018, and Only Two Cincos Awarded So Far

We’re into May, and this year is proving to be unusual. So far, only two wines — both reds — have scored a cinco (five star rating), but a startling number have come close with 4 and 4.5 star awards. It seems many are just having a tough time breaking that final star.

It was off to quite a dramatic start, with the very first wine tasted in 2018 winning five stars. That award went to the 2013 Errazuriz Estate Series Carmenère from Chile. Carmenere has nearly entirely replaced pinot noir as my go-to workhorse red, and this Chilean offering didn’t disappoint. If I recall, I think it may be the first carmy to land 5 stars since Winepisser launched (but don’t hold me to that.)

The second cinco went to France’s 2014 Pierre Amadieu Gigondas Romane Machotte Rouge. This syrah / grenache mashup has hints of blueberry and chocolate, and deserves buying by the case. Really fantastic, and easily a nose ahead of the Chilean competitor, I’d say.

Last year saw a raft of 5-star winners near the end of the year, so let’s hope things pick up.

On the other end of the spectrum, this site was designed to have snarky fun with the worst wines out there, and so far even the bad wines have been hard to find. It’s not for lack of trying on my part, either. We just live in the golden age of wine, and even cheap table wines are produced with methods that result in passable, drinkable offerings. To date, five wines landed 1 star, with most of those coming (predictably, even if regrettably) from Peru, and the other two from Argentina. Those are:

So if you see a lot of 3 or even 4.5 rated wines, it’s more the product of the era we live in, which isn’t a bad thing at all!

Insider Culture Blogger: Serving of Alcohol at Epcot Ruined Ruin All of Disney For Her, Forever

You have to be really, really oversensitive about alcohol to let it ruin fucking Disney World for you, but that’s exactly what Insider’s “culture reporter” Kim Renfro allowed happen.

Renfro, apparently from California, is used to going to that state’s “dry” Disney parks, where alcohol is not served. So she was shocked to find what was going on over at Disney’s debauched sister location in Orlando FL, and allowed it to drown out all her fun. Sez Renfro:

Walking around Epcot for the first time, I was taken aback by how much alcohol was advertised in standalone food stalls or draft beer carts. My research ahead of time had told me that alcohol was more readily available in these parks, but what was striking was how rowdy everything seemed in light of the booze.

While Disneyland — the original theme park built by Walt Disney — feels to me like a source of nostalgic comfort, Disney World is a whole different animal. The size difference and increase in rides and restaurants certainly has to do with that, but I found the party atmosphere in Epcot and other parks equally discomforting.

Seriously, go read the entire article.

There’s so much wrong with this article, it’s clearly an accidental look into the author’s own subconscious issues. First of all, to suggest that the entirety of Orlando Disney World — which is comprised of four massive parks — has an alcoholic “party atmosphere” is just a fabricated fib. Only one park — Epcot — is typically the haunting grounds for the drunken set, and even then it’s only half of that park (World Showcase.) Anyone who spends five minutes in the other parks knows the “vibe” in Magic Kingdom is very, very different than Epcot’s UK pavillion at the World Showcase; ditto for Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios.

I’ve been going to Orlando DW for decades, and have visited hundreds of times, with my main focus being Epcot. I got almost every annual Food & Wine Festival. The amount of times I have seen disorderly behavior? Twice, in almost twenty years. And, coincidentally, both near the UK pavillion, which seems to attract the loudest, less-inhibited drinkers due to its “pub” atmosphere. Much of this is because despite the alcohol, people still behave themselves around children, and Disney’s security is both stealthy and swift in dealing with any rowdiness. You won’t even know they are there, quietly escorting away any troublemakers.

And, mind you, I’m not drunk when I’m at Disney. In fact, since I’m usually driving, I don’t drink at all while I’m there. During the Food and Wine Festival, I make an exception (obviously) and then I stay on property. I’m not risking a swervy drive home. And, besides, I still see rowdy, loud people even at Disney’s “dry” parks in California – it simply means some people are loud are loud and noisy, not that they are drunk.

But it’s abundantly clear what is going on here. Renfro is mad at Disney for destroying her childhood. This theme pops up over and over in her piece.

For anyone like me who grew up going to Disneyland, the enormity of Disney World alone will overwhelm a first-time visitor. But add on the change of being able to legally drink, and the park will also probably take on a different hue.

And:

Since Disneyland is so closely associated with my childhood, it seems incongruous to go to the park with the intention of getting drunk.

And:

From pop-up stands touting drafts of beer to the mixed drinks on almost every restaurant menu, it was a shock to the childlike inclinations I usually tap into at a Disney Park.

For a “culture reporter,” you’d think she’d understand that culture is not intended to placate a single person’s dream of reliving their own particular childhood. This reads like a Star Wars nerd freaking out of Last Jedi.

The Renfro article comes off as needlessly smug and judgmental, too, almost like a Jack Chick tract. She’s upset because people wear t-shirts with jokes printed on them, saying Epcot stands for “Every Person Comes Out Trashed.” She was “taken aback” by how alcohol was “advertised in standalone food stalls or draft beer carts.” She was beside herself over what she saw as a “prevalence” of alcohol. The message is clear: she’s a clean cut, innocent sort of girl, and the rest of you heathens are disgusting drunks.

And Renfro is apparently no teetotaller. She admits she “indulged” herself, saying she drank “tall cans of beer while waiting in a long line or having a frozen margarita with lunch.” But by her own calculation, the image of her drinking alcohol probably led someone else with similar sensibilities to have a full-on stroke, just from the horror, the horror!

But, really? Renfro missed the entire part of the Disney World experience that features, you know, rides and roller coasters? Her alcohol anxiety led her to miss the giant fucking fireworks overhead at night? She was too distraught to notice the Haunted Mansion, Space Mountain, Mission Space, or the exactly 1 billion Disney characters walking around in full costume? She couldn’t hear the Pinocchio music or enjoy the mouse-ear icecream pops or get wet on Splash Mountain because some guy had a T-shirt that she didn’t like?

You have to go very, very far out of your mental way to let the image of someone else sipping a beer ruin your Disney experience. The article reads like an Amish Scientologist landed into a mosh pit filled with heroin needles and found out later the entire thing was uploaded to Pornhub.

If you think I am exaggerating, consider her closing argument: “In the future, I’ll stick to the sober experience of Disneyland — the sugar high of a Dole Whip or Mickey Bar is all I need.” The alcohol experience at Orlando’s Disney World was so traumatizing, she intends to boycott four entire parks for life, and stick to the “dry” parks.

Sweet jesus. If anything, scientists need to start studying what Disney puts in those Dole Whips, because it’s causing some questionable brain activity in those who drink it.

 

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